Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Evolution of a Freak Out - Then & Now

My left eye has been twitching for months now.  I'm used to it, though it's still annoying as hell.
Things aren't exactly Snow-White-woodland-animal-rainbows-and-unicorns right now.  But, such is life.  And, it's okay, really, it is.

Everything ebbs and flows and this too, shall pass.

But right now, I'm riding the wave of a freak out.  Actually, according to my carefully thought out calculations, today will be the apex of that freak out.

You know what is absolutely nerve wracking?

Being vulnerable

Because for me being vulnerable equates to being weak.  And, as I type that I pause to think, is there really anything wrong with that, and, I can't think of anything being wrong with that.  That's growth, right?

Back in 2012 when I had the absolute most amazing opportunity to share my story of raising my oldest son as a single mom my fear of being vulnerable was so great that I literally had to take on an alter ego.  I had to be so much unlike myself even to step out on stage.

2012 Listen to Your Mother

That's not the case now.  Now, being given the absolute most amazing opportunity, yet again, but this time to share a different part of me, I'm not consumed with fear of being vulnerable to the point where I have to act unlike myself.  That is growth!
Photo Credit - Balee Images
2015 Listen to Your Mother 1st rehersal

But, I'm still nervous.  In four days (and I know it's 4 days that's to the countdown that is occurring in preparation of the show), I will stand on stage and crack open a little part of my heart in the hopes that it will touch someone so they will now that they are not alone.

So, today, I will deal with the wave of anxiety (that I know will pass), by binge watching the Gilmore Girls on Nexflix while Will takes his nap and busy myself with work to occupy my mind. Because in my mind, right now, I'm running around in circles flailing my arms around and screaming like Kermit the Frog.

This too shall pass

Rationally, I know everything will be fine.  Nothing horrible is going to happen.  By Saturday I'll be calm and resolved in the knowledge that I'm just going to talk, I'm sharing a story with a few hundred of my new friends, and a few dozen of my old ones.  And it is all going to be fine.

You know what's cool, I'm going to step out on stage this year as myself, because it truly is going to be fine.

If you are looking for an absolutely amazing opportunity to hear live readings on the topic of Motherhood, (that's a pretty wide topic, by the way), Listen to Your Mother is THIS SUNDAY at 2pm.  Here is the link to purchase your tickets.  10% of the ticket sales goes to The Red Pump Project, this years Chicago charity.
Pro tip - bring tissues and come prepared to laugh, cry and gasp, and to feel a connection that will make you believe that you are not alone.

Photo Credit - Balee Images
2015 Listen to Your Mother cast

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