Sunday, May 11, 2014

What I'm Not & Thank You

I'm not Super Mom, though I hear that I am a lot

I'm not Crunchy, enough

I'm not Perfect, but perfectly imperfect

I'm not Patient, at all

I'm not a lot of things

I am a Mama

I am a Mama who is evolving constantly and striving for better.  Not, unattainable, just better.

Thank you Cody - you completely changed me and I have learned so much from you.  It has been because of you that I have become fierce (an not Beyonce fierce), and protective.  It is because of you that I learned that most of the time, the things that I think are best for you, aren't.  It is because of you that I have learned it isn't enough to say that I am sorry, I have to show that I am sorry.
You are an amazing young man.  Your quick wit and intelligence leaves me with an all-knowing smirk on my face.  Do not stop questioning.  Do not stop striving for your authentic self.  I am so proud to be your Mama.

Thank you Christian - you have taught me so many hard things.  Like, postpartum depression doesn't end when a certain milestone has been met or when you reach a certain age.  I realize that this has robbed you.  I want you to know that I am sorry about this and that every day I sit in solitude and think about the type of Mama you deserve and strive to be that Mama for you.  It's hard, but it is not you.  Not one piece of the difficulty that I have has anything to do with you.  You're an awesome son.  Your imagination and creativity amazes me constantly.  I am so happy that you are my son!  Your smile is electrifying and your eyes are deep with wonder and possibilities.  The journey that you have me on as your Mama is like walking through the dresser into Narnia.  You amaze me constantly.  I am so proud to be your Mama.

Thank you William - you ...oh, you.  You have taught me to be okay with being me.  You have taught me to believe in things that I never thought would be possible.  You have taught me to slow down and enjoy time and the now.  You are the first one that I have been with since day one and that terrifies me some times.  You have taught me that everyone has the right to their own thought, choice, decision - that just because mine don't align doesn't mean it's wrong or bad.  You have taught me to be authentic.  I am so proud to be your Mama.

Thank you Dave - you have trusted me with a whole lot of responsibility in raising our boys.  Thank you for believing in me.  Thank you for realizing that I am not perfect.  Thank you for understanding that I am in process.  That every day I am striving for better.  Thank you for choosing me to do this all with.  I have learned from you that it is never too late to do anything.

Thank you all for understanding that the "perfect" Mother's Day for me is doing what I normally do any other day.  That I don't want a fancy breakfast or fancy gifts.  That I want to be able to sit back and soak it all in.  Because our life is pretty fricking amazing.  I am thankful for that.  


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