Monday, May 2, 2011

Patience

I read a really good post over at Just Another Mommy Blog and it so hit home.  Lack of patience was one of the big questionable character defects of mine that was heavily weighed in considering homeschooling Cody. 
I'm detail minded
I like lists (and crossing things off of them)
I love my Google Calendar
I also like my alone time (which I am cherishing even more these days since it is shrinking)
I also needs things to be JUST SO!
...or I use to need that last one a whole lot a mere two months ago. 
It's amazing how when one is pushed to a point of shear exhaustion and can't take anymore-ism that you give up, surrender.  Not like in a flipping off the world type of way, but a letting go of control kind of way. 
I don't like crumbs on my counters.  In the past this has caused me to NOT allow my kids to make their own lunches.  Now, I really don't care, whatever. Just clean up after yourself.
I have a very specific way of doing the dishes and organizing the wash rag, and drying towels on the counter.  My husband has his own way of doing the dishes.  The dishes are clean, who cares.
I use to be fanatic about being on-time (actually early) to events.  We'll be there, I just don't know when.  At least we are showing.  I'm sorry that I can't adhere to your time schedule, this is the best I can do right now.
It's been tough, I'm not going to sugar coat this.  There were unseen circumstances that came up that required me to return back to work part time.  I was very fortunate that I was able to return to work within three days of interviewing.  I was even more fortunate to get the days and hours I needed (though I don't like) to accommodate homeschooling (weekend overnights).  But I'm tired.  And I know that I will not have the patience needed to pull my youngest out of school this fall.  This is something that I really have to think about, pray about and whole-heatedly consider.  Cody is pretty self-sufficient, I just make sure he understand what is required of him, look over his work to make sure he understands the assignments and then help as needed.  Chris on the other hand will be going into 2nd grade...I don't think that I can do that on top of everything else.
And this realization makes me sad.  But what I also have to remember is that if it's meant to be, it will happen.  I'm not ruling it out, I'm just preparing.
I really don't know how other families homeschool with both parents working or the single parents who do both.   
It's nice to know that I am not the only one who has questionable patience though. 

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