Sunday, March 13, 2011

Sometimes, in the moment, I don't see how lucky I am

Sometimes, in the moment, I fail to see how lucky I really am.  It then takes me looking like an ASS for my blessings to be swatted over my head.  This time it was done by my husband.  Actually, most of the time it's done by my husband. 
Really, this DOES have to do with homeschooling!  Give me a minute and I'll get to it.  Granted, this is not a typical weekly update, but I felt compelled to share this.
Last Wednesday we had to vacate our home for like three hours because our real estate agents were having a broker open house.  I decided that we could pack up our stuff and make our way to our local library (which, BTW ROCKS).  But - and this is a BIG BUT - there was utility work being done at the library and the water was shut off.  Not a big deal, unless you have to go to the bathroom that is.  So I decided that we would go out to lunch first, run a few errand and then go to the library.  I was hopeful that we would bypass the time frame for no water (no luck on that one, but that's a different story).
While out to lunch I snapped this photo:
and e-mailed it to my husband with a message that said "DORK!"
...
Fast forward a few hours and I get a message back from my husband that simply says "Why?".  Now I don't know to what he is referring to.  I talk to him later and he says something to the effect of  "Why is he a dork?  Look at how happy he is to be spending time with you and you are making up for all those times you couldn't have lunch with him when he was little because he was at school or day care and you were working."
Yeah, I know - punch in the gut kind of guilt feeling.  And I am still hanging my head in shame.
It's very true.  I missed most of Cody's childhood because I had to work and I know, I REALLY KNOW that I have been given an awesome opportunity to get to know my kid and spend time with him in a way that was never imaginable before.  I'm loving it, every minute of it.  Even when he looks at me and says "I don't get it" and I want to throw my hands up and scream "What don't you get about _________?" fill in the blank with whatever I have more knowledge about than he does. (I'm still learning too in this process).
It's in the hindsight of the moments that I don't navigate as perfectly as I would like to through that I see what an amazing kid I have.  That I have a relationship with him today that I never, NEVER would have had we not decided to pull him from public school and home school him.  He is wicked smart, funny as hell and is consistently putting a smile on my face just for being him - the real him.  Not some forced to confirm, I don't want to get made fun of or I'll tell her what she wants to hear droid.
So on the day that photo was taken I also posted it to Facebook and said that I was spending time with my favorite 11 year old.  I'm not going to get into should-of, could-of or would-of here.  My husband should have been privy to THAT truth.       

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